


Oops

by medusasmirror



Series: Tiny Orange [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bilbo being confused, Bilbo doesn't know anyone's name, Gandalf's staff, Kili really should have known better, M/M, Oops, dwarf invasion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 07:38:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7258450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/medusasmirror/pseuds/medusasmirror
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili really should have known better than to swing a wizard's staff around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oops

**Author's Note:**

> I had this image in my head after listening to an episode of Kevin & Ursula Eat Cheap. This is not the story that that sparked, but it is the first step to getting there.  
> No actual parings here, but probably will turn out to be BagginShield later on in the series.

“Don’t do that. You’ll blunt them!” Bilbo called out as the mass of dwarves started to play with his mother’s silver knives. Before he knew what was happening silverware, dishes, and any leftover food was flying through the air of his once quiet smial.

He pushed his way into the scrum, trying to rescue his heirlooms. They started to bump him along just like they were doing with his belongings. After a confusing whirlwind during which he pinged off dwarven stomachs, backs, bums, and elbows, he finally came out the other side, tumbling into his living room. In his left hand he was holding his mother’s Westfarthing teapot and his right hand was gripped inexplicably tight around the remains of a cream bun. 

A chuckle from off to his right reminded him of the originator of all this confusion. “Gandalf!” he growled at the amused wizard sitting in his best armchair. 

“Ah, Bilbo. Are you making friends?”

Bilbo could never after account for his actions. He growled and hurled the bun at the wizard. It landed on the grey robe with a satisfying squelch. Loud laughter erupted from behind him. 

“Mister Boggins!” The brunette dwarfling shouted just by his shoulder, which made Bilbo jump and start to whirl around. This caused a swath of tea to spray from the teapot’s spout, which also landed on the wizard. 

Gandalf and Bilbo just blinked at each other for a moment before the wizard slowly stood up. The shadows seemed to gather around his head as he rose to his full height. The drama of the moment was ruined when Gandalf’s head crashed into one of the smial’s ceiling beams. 

“Ouch,” one of the dwarves murmured in sympathy. Bilbo agreed. The smack of the wizard’s head against the wood had sounded far too loud. 

With a muttered oath, the wizard shrank back to his usual stooped posture and walked quickly down the hall to the bathroom. 

“Mister Boggins!” the young dwarf shouted again. “You attacked Gandalf!”

“I didn’t mean-”

“You hit him with your house!” yelled the blond dwarf. 

“I never-”

“And scalded him with tea!” said the one of the white-haired dwarves. 

“And hit him with a bun,” mourned the round dwarf with the red, rope-like beard. 

“I really didn’t mean to waste the bun.” Bilbo turned to him, trying to excuse himself. “But it was already smashed, you see.” 

He held out his cream and crumb covered hand. Dwarf and hobbit stood together, looking sadly at the remains of a perfectly good sweet. They were broken from their shared grief by a loud clatter. The smallest dwarf was leaping away from the still-rocking wizard’s staff, which was now on Bilbo’s floor. 

The brunette dwarfling pounced on it. 

“Kee, maybe you shouldn’t...” said the blonde Bilbo thought might be the first dwarf’s brother. At least, he thought that was what all the rhyming names meant. 

“Come on, Fe!” You know he never lets go of his staff. I want to know what it can do.”

Key? Kee? Ki-something, Bilbo remembered, picked up the staff and started to spin it around. The other dwarves leapt back out of range. Bilbo tried to hop back as well, but he bounced off the red-headed dwarf’s ample stomach and went stumbling toward the cavorting brunette. 

“Oh shit,” the lad said as Bilbo came staggering toward him, brandishing a teapot. Whether it was the shock or simply the natural reaction from a trained fighter, the dwarf whipped the staff around to deflect the danger inherent in the inbound floral china. 

Bilbo, reacting with all the uncanny speed of a hobbit protecting his favorite mathom, spun and curled himself around the teapot. Thus the staff crashed down across his shoulders rather than into the brightly painted belly of the pot. ‘Why a blow like that would shatter the poor thing,’ Bilbo thought to himself. 

He was so preoccupied with the unpleasant sensation of the wizard’s staff striking him quite hard on the back that he completely missed the bright flash that accompanied it. He did, however, notice immediately when his grasp on the pot’s handle slipped and it went crashing to the floor. 

Bilbo looked up at the dwarves who were now clustered around the shards that had once been Bilbo’s best and most favorite piece of china. He had defended it from Lobelia and scores of other greedy relatives. And now, thanks to one idiotic dwarfling, it was smashed. Not even just cracked or had the handle fall off. It was practically a powder on the floor. Bilbo turned to the youngling to give him a piece of his mind. 

“Mrow!” he said.


End file.
